Confessions Of A Tita With A Fear Of Lizards

I know, I'm a full-grown adult and lizards are like the size of my longest finger, on the average. But we all have our fears, don't we? 

To say the least, it’s not easy living with this condition. I enter every room, paranoid at the sight of a bug or food crumb that may attract them. I have to inspect every corner, ceiling, and the back of the door before I feel at ease in my own home. I bite into my shirt or wherever to keep myself from screaming and panicking the entire household. And finally, one of my favorite childhood films, The Parent Trap, included this terrifying scene and it did not help me at all. Please watch with caution.



I believe my fear of lizards started due to a series of unfortunate events during my childhood. This includes opening the fridge door, only to have a lizard land on my hand, and another time when I was entering the house and one adult lizard fell on my then-flawless cheek. Ugh.

The worst was when one of our helpers was sitting outside on the porch, one afternoon, watching us play, and then a lizard fell from the roof and went into her shirt. And god, did she panic like crazy. It took a while for the unwelcome creature to find its way out into the garden, back where it belonged, but that quick little incident, I believe, was enough to leave me scarred for life.  



For those who cannot understand this fear, then perhaps "fear" may come as too strong a word to describe it. And maybe, yes, I may not fear them per se, in the sense that I do not scurry at the thought of being harmed, wronged, or pained by them. Days and days of reflection have made me realize that what I abhor deep down is how they disrespect my private space. 

You know how it is, say, with unwelcome guests or meddling outsiders who barge into your room without warning or take your belongings without your permission? I don’t mean to be stingy with my belongings, and it’s not like the lizard will run away with the new skirt I have recently purchased, but they just keep appearing in spaces meant for me, and among my things!

To give you an idea, I’ve encountered lizards on my chocolate chip cookie, inside my glass (did it think of itself as precious enough to be put in a glass?? eep!), on my head pillow, and inside my closet. Tell me, if any of the following happened to you, wouldn’t you feel violated? Don't you think it's inconsiderate of them? I do.



Truth be told, I do try to get over these negative feelings. I mean, what use is my daily yoga-ing if I dwell on these emotions, right? So here I try to use lizards as motivation to keep my space clean, neat, and tidy. In fact, I have never, ever felt threatened each time my mother would say I’d be inviting cockroaches into my room if I keep eating in bed. It’s the lizards’ appetite for human food I’m rather more fearful of, and so I’ve started eating outside.

My late dad once said that I shouldn’t be scared of them, because lizards are my “relatives” (because skinny people are usually associated with lizards, FYI), but excuse me, I cannot relate to the ones in our home as they are voluptuous and curvy and always seem to be well-fed.

I have also recently developed a theory that whenever I cry about my dad's passing, after a few hours or so, a lizard would appear before me. And it’s as if to say that I should stop crying, or perhaps my dad is humoring me as he's always found my irrational fear amusing.

I concede that maybe it's about time I finally work on this childhood phobia. And as with anything in life, be it grief or fear, I know it will take time and a process of sorts for me to overcome it, find a way to live with it, or find my peace with my emotions. In this case, I do hope writing about it makes a good first step. 

By the way, if you share the same fears, I'd appreciate your words of consolation in the comments section.