Dear Tita Pacita: On Secret Relationships
Tita's note: while TITA PACITA HAS plenty of WISDOM TO IMPART, SHE DOES NOT CLAIM TO BE ALL-KNOWING. AS THEY SAY, THE LEARNING NEVER STOPS. SHE SEEKS COUNSEL FROM OTHERS TO ENLIGHTEN HER OWN VIEW POINTS, too.
HAVING SAID THAT, THIS ENTRY WILL BE answered by Concerned Tito.
I'll be coming from a guy's perspective so bear with me here. Coming from a conservative family as well, I was taught that honesty is the best policy. Don't you just get that feeling of getting eaten up inside by guilt when you hide something from the family? Maybe it's just me and it doesn't apply to everyone, but the thought still stands.
Buong buhay mo na kasama pamilya mo eh, mahirap magtago ng sikreto sa kanila, lalo na yung ganyang major issue. (Since you've been living with your family all your life, it would be difficult to keep secrets from them, especially with major issues). For me, it's better if you would just come out and tell your parents the truth. It would be ugly at first, I assure you, but they have to accept the fact as well that you are no longer a 9-yr-old girl, and that you will eventually look for a partner to take care of you. After all, they won't be around forever.
And if I was the guy, I would feel pretty bummed. Am I not good enough to be introduced to your parents? What if I can help you and your dad connect, especially after what seems like a lifetime of being at odds? We're both of the right age (unless you are still in school then, hey, at least know your priorities, young lady!) but why can't I even meet your parents? It's not like I did you wrong. I have a job I can be proud of, and I think that would help our case. That would be what I would be thinking.
Also, if I would take a guess, you are at odds with your dad because he's unbelievably strict towards you. Guess what, there's a reason for that and it is: he knows how guys think, act, and probably put their best foot forward for a girl. He did just that to win your mom! Good parents never do anything that is unreasonable for their child (except maybe grating on their grades, because, come on, it's not all about a bunch of numbers!). Try to put yourself in your dad's shoes. You'd get it.
Lastly, trust your family. Whatever happens, through thick or thin, they'll always have your back. It would probably help us if we had an idea of how your boyfriend treats his family. Because that's an indication of how he's gonna be once he has a family of his own. I say that because the feeling of love will never sustain you guys forever. It can be great now, but how about down the years? Would it still be the same? Anyway, come clean, talk it out with your parents. Shoot your shot.